Sanjaya Malakar

Blogging “American Idol”: Sanjaya Is the Terminator

American Idol, SanjayaOh, sweet, sweet Sanjaya Malakar, why must you make America loathe you so? Though the unlikeliest of heartthrobs has become a lightning rod for American Idol-related controversy, he continues to be the competition’s Teflon teen. No matter how hard he sucks, he still keeps coming back week after week. Last night, one got the sense that Malakar was actually trying to get booted. Between the fake Mohawk – seven ponytails, for good luck! – and the painful rendition of No Doubt’s non-hit, “Bathwater,” he seemed like he was daring the voting populace, “Go ahead. Make my day.” Whether it’s the pre-teen girlies or the VoteForTheWorst.com contingent keeping his Idol hopes alive, I’ve given up on expecting him to be voted off. This could be the week, but then again, it probably won’t be.

Unfortunately, we’ll likely also have to endure a few more weeks with Gina “Black Velvet” Glocksen, whose faux-rocker schtick is stretched to limits matched only by the Lycra-blend tank dress she filled last night. But she actually did an OK job on the Pretenders’ “I’ll Stand By You,” and it was kind of cute how she cried when she met special guest Gwen Stefani. Also likely to be safe this week is Phil Stacey, who belted out the Police’s “Every Breath You Take,” all the while looking like Idol theme song craftsman Daniel Powter after a visit to an overzealous eyebrow waxer.

Lakisha and Melinda did their usual ass-whoopin’ last night, and Jordin Sparks got kudos from the judges in spite of slaughtering half her rendition of No Doubt’s “Hey Baby.” Meanwhile, in the lady boner category, Blake Lewis returned to his Morrissey lite impersonation with a version of The Cure’s “Love Song” that, though sorta weak, also made me want to have his babies.

But there are a couple Idol Top 10-ers in deep doggie-doo this week: Chris Sligh and Haley Scarnato, either of whom could be sent home after last night’s vote. Scarnato was truly awful on “True Colors,” but as Paula condescendingly noted, “Pretty girl, though.” And with Antonella out of the competition, horny dudes need someone to vote for. Therefore, I’m thinking it will be Sligh who gets cut, simply because he sucked even worse than usual during “Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic,” and because his sarcastic comments stopped being funny a month ago. Paula cautioned him that he needs to try harder to stay in the pocket, but that would have to be a pretty generous pocket. “What am I supposed to get from that?” added Simon, calling it a mess. Let’s hope America agrees.

-- Jenny Eliscu